


Good Days and Bad Days

by Karenkk



Series: Kintsugi [3]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual Content, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 05:54:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17996171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karenkk/pseuds/Karenkk
Summary: As it turned out, there were competitions even Yuzuru Hanyu couldn't win.A yuzuvier story being told by both sides. Please read it as part of the Kintsugi series.Yuzuru's POVRPS disclaimer applies.





	Good Days and Bad Days

Yuzuru knew it was going to be one of the good days the moment he opened his eyes. A few hours of decent sleep that was uninterrupted with dreams did wonders to his mood. He turned off the alarm clock before it even had a chance to sound. At 4:50 am, he laid in darkness and planned for the day. 

Two hours of school work, one hour of morning run, then followed by breakfast. Be at the Cricket Club at 9:30 to start his one-hour morning session. After 40 minutes break, he had 2 hours of gym. His stamina was still not as high as he had hoped for, and he needed to work on that. 50 minutes of lunch break, then at 2 pm, his afternoon on-ice training. And since today was not Tuesday or Friday he didn't have dance class scheduled. This would give him time to go through all his training notes and marked out areas he felt he needed to discuss with his coaches. Then after getting home, he would help his mum to prepare for dinner. Then more school work, and one hour of gaming if he could fit it in, before heading to bed. 

Because it was a good day, everything went according to his plan. His essay got submitted on time, and the required additional readings were on track. Fully intending to let his mum have a bit more sleep, he closed the door on his way out quietly. The morning air was cold, but fresh and crisp. With his earbuds in, he was just another jogger on the Toronto street.

Once he was on the ice at the Cricket Club, he started his jump training as soon as he was done with warm up. Quad Sal, Quad Toe, Quad Loop, then the combos all under Ghislain's critical eyes. Quad Sal was being a little temperamental today, but it was ok. He experimented with various take-off speed, trying out slightly varied air positions to see what differences they made. He fell at some attempts, stepped out on a couple, but he landed more than he didn't. He stopped from time and time to mark the jumps on his notebook, as Ghislain gave him advice. He noted and nodded, and tried again and then again. Overall it was a satisfactory session, with his coach giving him a pat on the back at the end of it. 

The afternoon session focused on the programs. Today he drilled on his short program again and again, letting the music and choreography became part of him. The steps, the spins, and jumps came together effortlessly. He smiled as he pulled the last pose. Adrenaline coursed through his veins. For a few moments, all he could hear was the rapid pumping of his heart. It was glorious and beautiful, and he felt almost invincible. That day, the celebration bell rang three times, symbolizing three perfect run-throughs.

He was in middle packing up when Javier came out of the shower with nothing but a towel secured around his waist. Yuzuru watched as water glistened on the Spaniard's beautiful olive skin, and at that moment he wanted to do a lot more than running his fingers through his wet locks and caress those well-defined cheekbones. His eyes burnt as his gaze traveled appreciatively down his friend's body, which was returned in equal intensity.

They barely made through Javier apartment's front door, before Yuzuru was on top of the older man, with his tongue down his throat. It was a miracle that they didn't trip over each other as they struggled to make it to the bed. 

Javier was incredibly responsive underneath his hands. His spine arched as Yuzuru's fingers trailed down his torso. The Japanese watched in fascination, marveling at the control he had over the older man. His fingers grazed his partner's nipple hard, earning him a wince. He hushed his friend with a wicked smile. By now Javier understood the rule: compliance would be rewarded in due course. So Javier's body tensed up but he didn't fight it. Yuzuru hummed in encouragement and lowered his head to lick the abused skin soothingly, while his hand grabbed hold of his cock in a not so tender grip to bring it to hardness. The Spaniard groaned, but still gave him free rein of his body as the Japanese continued to tease. 

It was always incredible to ride Javier. The gradual built of tension, the familiar burn of being stretched open, and the total exhilaration of controlling every second and every aspect of the experience. With one hand on the Spaniard's hip, the other on his chest, Yuzuru used them as leverage, as his body took in the entire length. His own breath controlled as he rocked his hips, sunk lower, raised higher then lowered again. The depth, the angel, and the gradual build-up of pace as his body accommodated, they were exactly how he liked them. He watched as Javier fell apart beneath him, his fingers curled in the sheets and his mouth falling open as he gasped and groaned. Yuzuru loved the feeling of erratic heartbeats beneath his hand, intertwined with the primal sound of flesh against flesh. He thought about his good day and decided to indulge himself. He wrapped his fingers around his own leaking cock and brought himself to orgasm. 

In the fading afternoon light, he took in Javier's features - the classically handsome face and the sculpture-like body were a lethal combination with an irresistibly charming personality. Every woman walked by would try to sneak a second look, some of the men too. Yuzuru murmured with jealousy, "Even Quad Sal loves you more, doesn't it?" But it was OK. He was his, even just for this moment. And he was happy.

Dinner with his mum was a quiet affair. Yumi talked about his sister Saya's pregnancy, and the exams she was scheduled to take. Her happiness was apparent but also tainted with a hint of wistfulness. Her first grandchild on the way, and yet she couldn't be there to take care of her precious daughter. Even though she was on video call with her daily, but there was no substitute for having her mother in proximity, was there?  
I'm sorry...... He had wanted to say. For driving his family apart, for every missed opportunity and happiness. But Yumi took hold of his hands, and told him gently, "It's OK. I'm proud of you. We all are." And he had wanted to believe that.

At the night he sorted through his emails. Requests to participate in workshops, various functions and events, TV shows, documentaries, brand endorsements filled his inbox... He filed them into different folders to be addressed accordingly. He stopped when he got to an email from Ice Rink Sendai with a request for further financial support. Despite being the birthplace of two Olympic gold medallists, it had always been in financial struggle as far as his memory could go. In spite of the reconstruction after the Tohoku Earthquake, it was still not considered a state of art facility with sufficient resources. Many Sendai born young skaters were being made to leave their hometown to travel to bigger cities for better training opportunities, while the local rink struggled to maintain enough regular customers to be profitable. It was such a sad reality. 

The business proposal was sound: new buses to pick up and send kids home to attract new students, and hiring of additional coaching personnel. It was a no brainer, except he thought about his mum's worried expression when she helped him to organize his finances. The last thing he wanted was to be an even bigger burden. Between the coaching fees, living expenses, traveling and security costs, plus the amount of money he periodically put aside for his dream - a skating school in Sendai where he could help next generation to achieve their dreams, there wasn't much to spare. He chewed his lips, then decided it was fine after all. All he needed to do was to participate in all stops for Fantasy On Ice and potentially some other shows during the upcoming offseason and agree to do a few more endorsements. It might eat into his training time for the new season, but he could certainly make it work. His ankle throbbed with soreness which he ignored. Surely some icing would easily fix it. 

He sent an email off to his team in Japan and asked them to get the details sorted and authorize the payment to Ice Rink Sendai. Perhaps there was more he could do, he thought, as he drifted off to sleep, "Maybe a three-day training camp in collaboration with Shizuka-san? Surely it would generate a lot of exposure for the rink and bring in new students......." 

On some other mornings, he knew from the moment he opened his eyes they were going to be challenging. Sleep was fragmented, and plagued with disorientating dreams. The ground beneath him was being torn open at a rapid rate, and this time his skates were firmly fixed onto the ground, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't run... His heart pounded wildly against his chest. His own erratic breathing audible even with the loud sound of his alarm clock. Desperately trying to calm himself, he thought about his day ahead. But all he could think of was the terrifying failure rate of his Quad Loop, how he was behind on his study, various organizations were still chasing him for his offseason commitments, and he had no idea what he was going to do with any of it.

His stomach contorted painfully, demanding substance, but his throat closed up of its own accord. He took one look at his mum's concerned look, he murmured his thanks and dug into his breakfast. He must not disappoint, he thought, it was not his place to waste her efforts, let along all the sacrifices she had made for him over the years. He barely made it to the club before losing it all in the bathroom. 

He clumsily stumbled through even the most basic steps during his stroking class. His skates weighted like a ton on his feet. Tracey's watchful eyes made it even worse. He pulled back a little, letting Jun's tall figure overshadowing him. He was the first to escape the rink after the class ended. He took a few long drinks from his water bottle, willed his stomach to quiet down. Then he found himself face to face with Tracey, a cup of warm green tea and a protein bar being placed at front him. An adult who still needed help like a child, so pathetic. 

"I'm not, not... " He mumbled... What exactly? Hungry? Anorexic? Falling apart?

"Eat up," Tracey said, hazel eyes shone with kindness and none of the judgment, "There are still a few hours to lunch and you will need the energy to get through your jump class." 

Obediently, he did. The green tea was very bland, almost tasted like water, but it soothed his stomach. He managed at least half of the protein bar and he was surprised that he kept it down. 

He supposed today wasn't one of those bad days after all. A bad day was when he unceremonially fell apart on the first day of open practice at Skate Canada. Perhaps it was the bright lighting, the same old Skate Canada logo, or the familiar list of judges and technical controllers. But at that moment all he could think of was the endless arrays of silver medals, a losing streak just liked a nightmare he could not wake up from. He laughed at himself almost hysterically. His contract with ANA was due for renegotiation in three months, and surely no one would want to be associated with an athlete who couldn't win. And if he lost the funding he would become his family's financial burden once again on top of everything else. He buried his face on her lap, sobbed like a child while her soothing hands ran through his hair. In a barricaded small meeting room, he was free to be the mess he truly was. "It will be our little secret," she said as she helped him to get ready to face the outside world again. And Yuzuru wanted so badly to believe it because he couldn't afford to let people know he was fray around the edges. The competition ended with him adding another silver medal to his ever-growing collection. He swallowed the crushing bitterness. With his mask firmly on, he smiled and waved at the audiences and cameras alike. 

The jump class in the afternoon turned out to be a disaster as he expected. He fell, fell, and fell. Even when he made it he stepped out or stumbled. He could see the issues so clearly: the wrong entry speed, being completely off axis while in the air, the free leg being too low, but his body just refused to obey his commands. Ghislain was a saint for putting up with him, patiently pointing out issues, gently suggesting alternatives. After 20 minutes of disaster, he was pulled off the ice. Yuzuru shifted his weight uncomfortably to take some pressure off his right ankle, and unfortunately, it didn't escape Ghislain's scrutiny. Upon his insistence, Yuzuru unlaced his boot and revealed his swollen ankle. His coach sighed, called it a day and sent him off to see a doctor. To Yuzuru's absolute horror he was prescribed one week of rest under his mum's worried look. 

He supposed it could be worse, like it could be his free skate the very next day. A bad day would be losing his world championship title again after a world record-breaking short program. Just because his ankle couldn't understand what was at stake, he thought bitterly. And losing to the same man twice was very much a bitter pill to swallow. He supposed he was a terrible friend. While the Spaniard was always happy for his success, his happiness for his rival was always tainted with his own ugly disappointment. He was selfish and wanted anything that could dull down the ache. Javier was OK to give him exactly that. Yuzuru's mind was blissful blank, as he was pinned against the wall of the shower. With the shower head turned on, the glass behind him was slippery with heat and moisture. With one of his legs thrown over his friend's shoulder, and the other struggled to find any resemblance of balance he had no choice but to hold onto the Spaniard. He was completely at the other man's mercy, as his friend took advantage of position and thrust into him in rapid and hard strokes. Yuzuru rocked his hip back just as aggressively, chasing the intense sensation, pleasure heavily laced with pain. It certainly helped, until he had to pack yet another silver medal into his luggage. 

Resting at home meant he suddenly had a lot more time on his hands. So he found himself scrolling through social media and catching up with friends. Nobu, who kept him up to date with all the shenanigans and drama within the skating circle send him the link to Javier's Instagram post, with a photo of yet another beautiful woman leaning against the Spaniard with the sun setting behind them. The accompanied text was rather simple - A beautiful day with a beautiful friend at the Royal Ontario Museum. 

And there weren't many things more beautiful than the intimacy shared by two people in love. As it turned out, Javier wasn't a gold medal he could win, certainly not one he could keep. 

It seemed to be a bad day after all, he thought.


End file.
